Friends will come and go, so do not focus on keeping them.
Over the next few weeks I will be covering the topic of 5 rules to navigating teenage life to adulthood.
These are some of the lessons I learned along the way and wish I could have learned even sooner. These “5 rules for navigating teenage life” will hopefully help you to minimise worry, stress, anxiety and all those emotions you’re introduced to in your life at this point in time, and will give you a roadmap for living a more productive and happy life if you choose to implement these tips.
Without further ado let us talk about the first rule.
#1) Friends will come and go, so do not focus on keeping them.
This may sound harsh but its true. When you leave high school you have this idea that you will stay connected with everyone or at least all your friends, and most certainly your close friends; but that simply isn’t the case.
In high school you are exposed to your friends daily and you are in each others space all the time, of course you are going to spend time together.
However as you leave high-school, and you do not have the same routine of seeing everyone everyday, it is easy to slowly drift apart. This effect is then magnified if your friends go to different colleges/universities or even move to a different country altogether.
Of course like all good relationship in life if you, if you both put in the effort to stay in touch you will still remain friends. I am not saying you will not have any friends after high-school, I am simply saying that the vast majority of people you were always in contact with everyday may not remain friends after high-school, and that’s perfectly fine. People will come and go in life and that’s just a fact of life. This is generally the first time you may be exposed to this fact and it can be a hard fact to grasp. However the sooner you understand that it’s not a bad thing the better it is for you right now.
The same fact is true for your university friends too, so do not think that it will only happen when you are “young” and in high-school. Every phase of your life will be met with people coming and going, and with time you will grow your own select group of friends throughout the years.
Why am I saying this at all? This just sounds depressing and also untrue, as its not something that seems likely to happen until it does.
The point I am making is that the friends you have in high-school will move on with life and so will you. So never do something with them that you feel uncomfortable with, because they are here today gone tomorrow; but you still have to live with yourself. That is why you need to make sure that you always conduct yourself in a manor that your future self will thank you for later on.
So the real reason why you should not focus or worry about keeping friends, is that you should not put pressure on yourself to do what they do, nor conform in order to keep being their friend and gain acceptance. I know it sounds a little like something a parent would say, but it’s true. You are going to have to live with yourself forever, thats far longer than any of your friends will, so do not do anything that makes you regret the choices you made, later on in life.
Focus rather on becoming the best version of self; a person of virtue. As a result of focusing on becoming a person of value, rather than focusing on keeping friends; you will attract people that are on that same journey. People tend to want to surround themselves with likeminded individuals who share the same mission, vision and values. You will as result eventually gain more friends that will stick with you. This is because you share the same values, perspective, etc. which is far more important than sharing the same school. People with shared values, beliefs and ideals tend to stick together much more than those that share a geographical location.
This may bring us to the question, so when do I know what friends I should make an effort to keep? Here are some helpful criteria that you may want to consider. Keep in mind these are just some ideas and not concrete rules as everyone, and every situation is different. This will only give you a guideline in deciding whether someone is a good friend.
A real friend will:
Be genuine with you and celebrate your successes, and guard your failures. (they will not gossip about you and your failures to anyone).
A true friend will try to challenge you to be the best version of yourself, in any area of life. (This should not be confused with the kind of people that just need to be better at you in everything, and belittle you in order to feel better about themselves.)
They are close enough for you to speak to them about your most personal desires, goals, and hardships.
They will morn with you for your losses, and celebrate with you for all your accomplishments.
They should more often than not share the same vision, values and morals as you do.
I trust you gained something from this blog post, and I hope to see you in the next one, where we will talk about rule #2.
Till next time friends…
Josua Nel
